Charmed: The Geico Chronicles
by Jerle Shannara
Summary: This Fic was inspired by those annoying Geico commercials. Here they are, Charmed style! Right now it's complete, but more than likely I'll end up doing more. Read and Review!
1. Default Chapter

Saving Money  
  
By Jerle Shannara  
  
Author's Note  
  
Yeah I know the title's lame. This is a Fic inspired by a very annoying series of television commercials. I suppose you could say it's a parody. Anyway, it's a series of vignettes. Right now it's pretty short but I may do some others.  
  
Leo and the Elders  
  
The Elders sit in their courtroom type place with the accused, Leo Wyatt.  
  
Elder 1: You are charged with disobeying direct orders, leaving whenever you feel like it and, in pride of place, asassination of a fellow Elder.  
  
Leo: I only killed Gideon because he was after my son!  
  
Elder 1: But you killed an Elder. Surely that kind of act should be punished. (A junior Elder rushes in and hands the Elder 1an envelope. Heopens it and scans the contents.  
  
Elder 1: Well, there does appear to be some good news.  
  
Leo: What? You're gonna let me go back to my family?  
  
Elder1: No. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.  
  
Chris and Darryl  
  
The scene is the police station. Chris Perry sits in handcuffs and Darryl looks at him triumphantly.  
  
Darryl: You really screwed up this time. You stole a car, then the girls got you out of jail. Then you even tried to escape back to the future. Looks like you're gonna be doing some hard time.  
  
Chris: I didn't do anything.  
  
Darryl: There is some good news.  
  
Chris: You're letting me leave.  
  
Darryl (laughing wildly): Letting you leave? No way! I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. (Seeing Chris' indifferent expression) What? I thought that meant something! Isn't it good that I actually saved some damn money? All right, now you're really gonna get it!  
  
Barbas and his Victim  
  
Barbas, the Demon of Fear, stands over a terrified young Witch, his eyes blazing with triumph.  
  
Barbas: It appears I haven't lost my touch after all. I still inspire terror. We all know what a horrible thing it would be for mortals to suddenly universally overcome their fears. I'd be out of the job. Fortunately though, there seems to be some good news for you guys.  
  
Witch: You're leaving?  
  
Barbas (laughing): Leave? When I'm having fun? I don't think so! I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.  
  
Wyatt and Gideon  
  
Gideon stands in the nursery with an Athame in his hand. Wyatt is lying on the floor. Gideon gazes down at the child and prepares to strike.  
  
Gideon: I'm sorry I have to do this, but you're just too powerful. Piper and Leo may believe you can be saved, but I know better. The only way to save the future is for you not to be a part of it. But there is a little good news to share before you go. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.  
  
Gideon looks down at Wyatt, who simply stares blankly back at him.  
  
Gideon: What? You don't care that I saved? I thought that meant something! (runs out of the room, crying hysterically).  
  
The Cleaners and their Victim  
  
The Cleaners stand before a young Witch who just exposed magic to an entire country.  
  
Cleaner1: Well now you've done it. There's no choice but to eliminate you.  
  
Witch: It wasn't my fault!  
  
Cleaner1: Whose was it then, God? The Devil? Bob?  
  
Witch: Uh---that last one.  
  
Cleaner1: We're wasting our time!  
  
Cleaner2: There is some good news though.  
  
Cleaner1: Oh yes, we can't forget that.  
  
Witch: What? You're gonna let me be?  
  
Cleaner2: No. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.  
  
This pronouncement doesn't have quite the effect he expects. His partner suddenly goes ballistic and beats him senseless.  
  
Cleaner1: Now I shall save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. Then I can be on one of those commercials. (With those words, he snatches up his partner and vanishes, completely forgetting about his victim). 


	2. The Second Chapter

Charmed: The Geico Chronicles

By Jerle Shannara

Author's Note

After quite a few favorable reviews for the first chapter I figured I'd write another one.

Darryl and Sheridan

The scene is Darryl Morris and Inspector Sheridan. Sheridan gazes coldly at Darryl, her gun pointed at him.

Sheridan: You really screwed up this time Morris.

Darryl: What? We got Chris. What do you want now?

Sheridan: He got away, again!

Darryl: Dammit! I swear the next time I see the Halliwells I'm gonna---

Sheridan: There does appear to be a little good news though.

Darryl: What? You got him back?

Sheridan: No. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

Leo and the Seer

Leo stands before the Seer, begging her to tell him who's been sending the Creature Heads that recently started flying by him and biting him in the butt.

Leo: Pleeease! My poor ass is a wreck!

Seer: Hmmm...let's see....nope, nothing. (Pauses) Wait a sec, I'm getting something.

Leo: I swear I'm gonna find him and wring his scrawny neck. I haven't been able to shag Piper since the first time she saw the toothmarks on my ass.

Seer: I've got great news.

Leo: You found him?

Seer: Nope. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. (For a long moment nothing happens. Then Leo keels right over in a dead faint).

Leo and the Avatars

The scene is Leo sitting on a couch in Avatar Castle, engrossed in a vivid sexual fantasy about Piper.

Leo: Uhhuhhuhhuhhuhhuhhoh baby.

Avatar Alpha (looking up from the National Inquirer): Remember what I said about those fantasies of yours. You can have 'em as long as we don't have to hear 'em. That one you had last week woke up the entire Collective.

Avatar Beta(coming over with a cup of coffee): Fantasizing about Piper might give you a good time, but it won't save you any money on car insurance.

Avatar Gamma (appearing out of nowhere): Geico. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. (Alpha and Beta nod soberly).

Avatar Beta: That reminds me! I need to call Geico so we can save!

Paige and Kyle

The scene is Paige and Kyle lying in bed.

Kyle: There haven't been any new leads on the Avatars in weeks!

Paige: They'll turn up. They've been taking chomps out of Leo's poor ass for ages. Sooner or later they're gonna come back for more.

Kyle: I wish they'd hurry up. Then I could kill one of 'em.

Paige: There is some good news though.

Kyle: What? You know where they're hiding out?

Paige: No. I just found out I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

Zanku and the Jail Warder

Zanku, the most feared demon in all the Underworld, is sitting in a jail cell being rather depressed. A warder comes to his cell door.

Warder: Well, you sure got yourself into some hot water. 'parrently you were caught shagging a hot and sexy female Whitelighter.

Zanku: But she had the best boobs, and those legs...god I wish demon chicks had legs like hers. Give me a hot leggy blond any day of the week!

Warder (smiling slightly): Damn straight. Well, we can't do that. There does appear to be some good news however.

Zanku: What? I get to get outta here?

Warder: 'Fraid not. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

For a moment there's stunned silence. Then Zanku buries his face in his clawed hands and begins crying pathetically.


End file.
